Everyone who’s been lifting for a while knows there should be some ground rules about the way we should behave in a gym, some sort of etiquette.  You know, the kind of rules that will help you be considered a normal human being even under heavy lifting conditions and more than aything else that won’t make you look like a douchebag in the gym.  So that being said, I decided to put a list of my own.  Here it is in no particular order.

1. Sleeveless shirt are not acceptable.  I don’t care what your excuse is and if it is because you feel more comfortable with it, if you’re wearing sleeveless shirts to lift, you’re really just showing off.

2. On a related note, it’s not called an UNDERshirt for nothing.

I don’t care how jacked you are, you shouldn’t wear this to lift.

3. If you’re talking during a set, it’s not heavy enough.  Females included.  Period.

4. This is nothing new, but worth reiterating: doing curls in the squat rack is totally unacceptable.  Bodybuilding enthusiasts need to understand this.  I’m this close to exercising my vengeance and doing like this kid in every single commercial gym in America:

You think it’s ridiculous? So next time, stay away from the squat rack when you do curls, Johnny Baloney!

5. Speaking of curls, it seems to be every beginner’s favorite exercise.  But honestly, if you can’t do 5 bodyweight chin ups, I don’t even know why you’re wasting your time doing curls. 

6. Your cellphone should be turned off and put in your locker as you walk in the gym.  It amazes me how it’s becoming such a plague among exercise enthusiasts to send text messages in between sets when they lift.  How are you supposed to be focused and ready to lift heavy weights with such a distraction!  Time between sets should be better spent doing stretches, corrective exercises and other “filler exercises” that are going to make your time in the gym more effecient and really help you in the long run.  Plus, recent studies have clearly demonstrated that sending text messages between sets decreases your testosterone levels and makes you less attractive to members of the opposite sex. 

7. You should be able to squat and deadlift wayyyy more than you can bench press.  If that’s not the case, you know what you need to start doing more than once a week, right?

8. No crunches.  I mean EVER!  There is a time and a place for doing crunches; that time is never and that place is nowhere.  Seriously, it’s 2010, and we know by now that there are far better options to work your core muscles other than doing crunches, which let’s face it are as useless as Kim Kardashian. 

And no, crunches won’t shed off the fat around your midsection.  Add to the fact that a hgh volume of crunches will make your posture significantly worse because of the attachement point of the rectus abdominis on the lower ribs.  Also, crunches are really just a flexion of your lumbar spine, which according to the most knowledgeable researcher in the world on lower back, Dr. Stuart McGill, is one of the most common injury mechanism on the lumbar spine.

9. Unless you’re hitting a PR, there is no reason why you would grunt and moan on every single rep of an 8 rep set of DB chest press. Yes I’m talking about you Matt!

Granted on the video he’s hitting a PR (405 x 5, which is more than I can do!).  But now imagine him, doing every rep of a scap wall slide making the same noise!  Nothing will get you demoted faster at Endeavor. (Kidding Mat…not really!)

10. Proven fact, you need to include one or more of the following on your workout playlist if you want to make substantial gains: Slipknot, Rise Against, Marilyn Manson, Busta Rhymes, Eminem, DMX, Lil Wayne, Linkin Park, Rage Against the Machine, System of a Down and Phil Collins (I might have forgotten a few acceptable options…)

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